The Blow

When we first got married, I assumed with childlike simplicity that in time, David’s love for me would trump his same-sex attractions and we’d be good.

Although it was a process, I still remember the moment when it hit me for real that this wasn’t going to go away any time soon.  He came back from a gathering where a now happily married woman who was somewhere on the queer spectrum gave an analogy that David totally related to of what it’s like to be married and gay.

“It’s like dancing with your shoes on the wrong feet.”  You can do it, you can get pretty good at it, but there’s just an awkwardness there.

What struck me is how much he seemed to own the analogy as he shared it with me.  While it caught me off guard (aren’t we just learning to dance, still stumbling our steps, but with at least our shoes on right???), it brought him comfort.

And then I got it.  His SSA isn’t going away any time soon, is it?

It took awhile to sink in, but now I see clearly that same-sex attraction sticking around does not reflect poorly on me.  Turning my husband straight is not my goal.  Accepting him, walking with him, challenging him as needed, whatever it takes to be his partner for life.

Realizing this set me free.  And a wife set free releases the husband in countless ways.  And we’re good.

photo by blmurch cc