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Why I created this stump, is because I wanted to tell my story, to help myself, and to perhaps help you.

Now that I’ve actually had the courage to start this, just thinking about making my first post is making me want to throw up. I will have to trust that this is a good sign to push harder.

If I don’t keep coming back to write, I will have lost. This blog will remain a stump like so many others out there. I’ve wanted to tell my story for the last 10 years, but I didn’t. I don’t want to lose this battle with myself.

New life came from the stump that got hacked down. Oh, the outline of the stump is still there, clear to any passerby that great injury was done to a tree that had to start all over again. I believe I have to get through my next stage in growing up, but that won’t happen until I continue to clear away the weeds.

I hope to show you here a boy, a boy hungry for belonging, a boy hungry for protection, a boy hungry for love, a boy mourning the loss of his best friend, a boy seeking his distant big brother, a boy longing for his distracted father …a boy who was so starved, hungered for the embrace of a man.

A boy, who stopped growing up, even as his outer appearance became much like the very men that he longed for.

That boy discovered a Creator who longed to embrace, to be my father, to be my best friend, to look into my eyes and say “I love you.”

He took my hand and gave me back my father, mended the link with my brother, and gave me many friends.

He took what might have remained a stump, nurtured the shoots and brought up the magnificent tree I was meant to be, now beginning to bear fruit.

I know that there are others like me. I want to break through silence, through the embarrassment, through the insecurity and the fear, so that those like me can hear the words, “you’ll make it through.”

Thanks for letting me hold your hand.


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